New My Way
1/28/07 Chiang Mai, Thailand
Armed with a list of gay places in Chiang Mai printed off of Utopia.com, I hollered for a tuk-tuk and sped away into the night in search of queer CM. As Thailand’s second largest city, for sure something must be going on, I thought.
I began my night at MANDALAY - queerly ghettofied and into the new - MAN-DA-LA-HAAYY!! Mandalahaay was not too far from my guest house. A little stroll past one of the old town’s main gate (w/ hippies in front strumming away, dirty feet and all) and past oodles of prostitute hangouts ( i think that those girls were real), Mandalahaay turned out to be a rainbowbrite 2 floor complex tucked away in a tiny alleyway. Unfortunately, "Haay" (too long to type the whole name) was empty, but then again, it was only 11 PM. By Japanese standards, THE club would have been off to a start, but I guess we’re not in Kansas anymore. For a city in the mountains, CM was looking promising… I would have to return at 1 AM to see CM’s best.
Not knowing where to go, I referred the hot list and saw something called "Darling Wine Bar, a wonderful, upscale, open-air bar for friendly get-togethers…". "upscale" read: potential daddy; "open air" read: escape route available "friendly get-togethers" read: glory hole, maybe? With those thoughts in my oppotunistic, dah-ty mind me and my tuk tuk man drove by only to be dissapointed. "Upscale" and "friendly" turned out to mean grand-daddies and whisky.. maybe 5 years ago, but I ve graduated from that phase (yesss!). Peering in I let out a quick "I do NOT want to go there" and we were off to another bar down the road called SOHO (why does every city in the world seem to have a SOHO something-or-other??). SOHO was a no-go (empty like Haay). It was then that I realized that I lucked out with the right tuk-tuk driver…
"You wan go gay show?", let out Mr. Tuk-Tuk as he turned back to my passenger’s bench.
"No… I went to one of those in Bangkok, and everyone was… was white…", I grumbled.
[aside: Three years ago I stumbled into conquistador heaven populated by loads of Caucasian males peering with hungry eyes at the Thai flesh on stage... I felt like a genuine Benjamin Franklin]
"Iz good show"
"Um… is it expensive"
"Not expensewe - nice show in Chiang Mai"
"OK - Let’s go..", I said and with that we sped on to the next locale.
NEW MY WAY was down some alley with an unpronouncable name. Having been primed for SE Asian gay shows in both Manila and Bangkok, I sorta had an idea of what to expect. But, then again, this is SE Asia and, as you learn, you can never know what to expect.
I asked the door man if there were people inside, and he repled with a see-for-yourself, "Of Course!" and opened the door. Sure enough, there were loads of people in the audience, and unlike the Bangkok performance space that I had visited a couple of years back, the audience was primarily Thai (seemingly , there could have been some interlopers like me in the crowd). finding out that there was no cover, I felt good about Mr. Tuk-Tuk and entered to learn more of this new my ways joint.
Round one: As I entered the bar, a pair of young lads were already engaged with their segments. With a strobelight rotating above them, the two boys simulated sex beneath a mosquito net, the net providing a veiled voyeuristic feel. Or perhaps they were just itchy.
Round two: Fabulous Ba-drag-a. "Kathoey" is the term in Thai for what is more commonly known as Lady-boy. This Kathoey was Fierce Ms. Ting. Wearing a satin dress and a tiara, she lip-synched to some ballad, but as far a I was concerned, she could have been doing pilates - she was just a marvel to look at. Not only is the "Kathoey" phenomenon spectacular (when done right that is - some people are just not cut out, pun intended), but it’s place in Thai culture is equally intersting. 10’s across the board.
Round three: Spiderfag - a dude in a torn up Spidy costume that tried to sexcape his own web eventually winding up tearing off his clothes. Ti-ahed.
Round four: Bubble fags - two guys spraying liguid foamy soap on each other and then removing their manties and giving their big things a little tug… Next!
Round five: OMG - another hit Lady-boy - WERK WERK WERK!!!
Round Six: An american ballad lip-synched by a boy (maybe 20 y.o.) with an amazing upper torso; deinfined six pac and nice pecs, but still looking touchable. Woof! Classy in his delivery, he only stripped on top, gaining my respect and my eternal lust to have, like, 10,000 of his babies.
The show dragged on and there were a couple of more acts (don’t forget about the art-fag who sketched a male nude on a canvas and then removed the canvas to find the male nude beneath- wah wha..). On the whole, I was entertained and surprided (those Thai boys has some schlongs let me tell you). Boy #12, however, was abit annoying. #12 came from the side of the bar (all the workers in the bar had numbers attached to them, how else would you know which item to scan at checkout - duh!) and tried to chat me up. Having taught English, I feel that I could chat up a dumb mute (gomen nasai - nihon ga honto ni daisuki dayo), so maybe that’s why I thought his whole apporach needed some help. Later on I saw that #12 had found a more eager sponsor for the evening and felt better about giving him the cold shoulder. Call me old fashioned, but I like talking to guys who aren’t interested in my empty pockets. But that’s just me.
After the catwalk prancing segment when all the numbered boys displayed their goods on stage, a loudspeker announced that the show was over, but you "don’t have to go home. The boys are here to take care of your every need". I stuck around for a bit and watched the Hong Kong gay flick that was on the projector (Wong Kar Wai?) and chatted with the folks next to me. At that point, it was approaching 1 and it was time to make ti back to Haay…
The first floor was Thai. On the right we had the straight, fashionable Thai clans (this IS Mandalahaay); on the left we had the queer segment of the show. With daubles of caucasian in the crowd, the gay section seemed to be pretty Thai dominated with waify, wifey statures and oh-so manicured coiffes. Music: dance remixes of House of Pain, Gwen Stefani, and I think Shikira got some air time as well…ethnical queer? Western pop tweaked for the Spicy Thai boys? Whatever it was Ms. Lady DJ was NOT working it. While the appearance of the Thai Pussycat Dolls kept me into it for a hot sec (not a singing group - just a bunch of of chicks shaking it on stage), I had to peace when the Thai band came on with their hit ballads…
As I was leaving i heard the music form the upstairs blasting from a loundpeaker. It was the jungle remix of "Ready or Not" by the Fugees - I LOVE that mix. I had already known that upstairs was going to be where it’s at b/c of the signs posted around with the music line up (2 AM - funky house 3 AM electro house.. etc). I didn t want to pay the cover charge (about 5 bux), and so I put it off. But when I heard my song, I paid and went it.
Like a different world, the upstairs was pretty "farang" (foreigner) dominated,and the music relfected this. Feeling like a rave, with genuine-fake early 90’s ravers present (RAVE ON!), Haay upstairs was more fun for a Western fag like myself. After 3 hours and two rotations of Madonna’s "Sorry" (one LP original and the other the Confessions tour mix) I decided to get back to my guesthouse and call it a night. Oh, there was one raver boy that was keeping me interested upstairs, but when I started dancing with him, he kinda hopped away. Was my mistake of not wearing my Jincos? I don’t really know, but he was a cutie that had moves. There are bigger fish to fry here in Thialand, that’s what I keep telling myself.
January 29th, 2007 at 8:07 am
hey! i know that you are having so much fun but i also want to read about nature and food on your blog as you continue your journey….dont let them know that you are a farang or else they will charge you more than usual…take care and enjoy! I love you!