Vigga Wha’?!?!

so i m going to work one day - i forgot what time it was - and here comes this old salary man coming out of the shin osaka station ( a station that seems to be constantly crowded with business types coming from the nation’s capital to do business with the shrewd osakans that keep this town churning)… the man walks over to a bush and in broad daylight , infront of everyone to see, whips it out and decides that he s going to water the lawn…

whatever, as the son of my dad - or as some would say - as my dad is the father of this son - i m used to people peeing in public.. it seems to provide felix (papa) with some sort of joy - maybe it ushers him back to his upbringing in the jungles of the philippines.. midtown NYC is a bit different, but who am i to be the judge of that - felix’s schlong had gotten maximum UV exposure in manhattan… but, i ve seen to gone off on a tangent - ah hem…

so yeah- they business cock - i saw this man - and thought - oh - well… "when you have to go", but then it kinda got me thinking about the environment that i ve relocated to.. the land of the salaryman…

these guys come in all sizes and all shapes… they all seeem to wear almost a similar dark suit and always sleep on the train - sometimes i can see litttle images of kello kitty in the little dream bubbles above their heads.. sometimes i can see the images of hello pussy too… either way- they sleep - alot … poor guys.. it seems that they are always at work , and when they are not there they are communting and when they are not doing that , they are peeing in my backyard… they run around like clones, each toting a man purse and a cell phone. the business harajuku man - the shinsaibashi clone - the osaka agent smith.. they ‘re rampant.

where i used to live, i got as many tress as i do salarymen nowadays. i suppose life was better back then - i got fresh air from the trees. now i take a deep breath and get a diluted cigarette odor tinged with a whiff of stale office furniture.. ugh.. agent smith , dont sleep on me!

oh, it s not that bad, but it quite a change from the good ‘ole small town existence that i grew to love… later on that same day, i came home and got off the train. just as i was about to retrieve my bike, i came across another salary man in the bushes.. maybe he needed to tan that part of his body -maybe it was some kind of fertility ritual… whatever it was.. i saw it again.. agent smith watering the bushes

The caped crusader returns! Spared from being eaten by monstrous Japanese moths, my cape has been dug out of the closet and is getting maximum exposure this winter. all the wannabe harujuku gwals are jealous. the salary men are too.

BERLITZ

OK - so my new queeny co-worker (though apparently not a queen - he just plays one on TV) - just got BERLITZED by our troubled-with-anger-issues scottish supervisor. he had his review and "this was wrong" - "that was wrong" - fuck by the time Neall finished telling me the story, we decided that he had just been BERLITZED… i had my one week review as well. i excaped relatively unscathed, but i m waiting- sooner or later, i m going to get berlitzed as well…fo’ sho’

after working in the public school system here in japan on the JET program, being employed by a company like Berlitz is , well, it s a bit stressfull. it s like i took a two year break and slept. now my performance is being judged again. honestly, i feel as though i got paid loads of money to study japanese for the past two years. now you want me to WORK? whats that?.. oh well.. i guess that that is what has to be done to pay the many bills of an osakan existence - i like that - "an osakan existence"…

so the working schtick is going along. yesterday i taught a pair of young boys .. maybe in kindergarten - 1st grade? either way - they were the cutest things - they colored and the cute little one scribbled away when i gave them a time limit to finish.. he scribbled and went outside the lines to make it before i reached "1".. muttering under his breath… "kirai noni" translated - I FUCKING HATE YOU… he was cute - till he became posessed by by damion… then we played games and it was OK- though his frown never came off his face. after the boys i had a lesson with an adult student who was at level four. at this stage students should be able to do lots of exciting things like talk about business agreements / negotiations, make travel arrangements, talk about home life… that said, it was shocking when after i asked my level four what she did for a living / what she did with her day, i got the followning response,

I… あれ。。えと。。I… あれ。。。 (followed by an awkward silence that lasted for about 500 yen of my time) … i dont mean to pick on my students, but between damion and ms. misdiagnosed level four, i m going to be weary of my new line of work … i mean , now that i have to work again to preserve my osakan existence (3x).

HOMO THUGGIN IN DOYAMA

Doyama Cho is the gay distraict in Osaka. the whole block - maybe half a block - … on the night of the 12th - into the morning of the 13th (my 28th bday) , i decided to go to doyama to grab a drink before i met up with legenday neall and his girl kazuko to attend someone else’s bday pty (recap - lame music in foreigner bar - we had to ditch and grab ramen it was so bad… worked out fine though b/c of the company). walking along the strip in doyama i passed this one bar with this homo thuggy boyz outside - i was all HAAYYYY… not really , but in my mind it was very boyz in the hood .. replete with their baseball caps and oversized jeans, they took entered what is soon to become my new local haunt, JACK IN THE BOX - yes thats right… like the hamburger joint (from here on it shall be referred to JIB).. so, yeah, at JIB i had a bday toast to myself anbd scoped out the boyz in the Roca Wear.. cute cute… unfortunately, i had to go b/c my ride had come and i was off to the partay, but ill be back to find my karaoke signin, jay z listening, little light in the heals, samurai man -  i ll fill you in when i find him

taill the next episode

Okonomiyaki??? have you ever had it? if you haven t, you gotta. it s like a japanese pancake, except filled with things like pork, shrimp, and cabbage. I know that it is a far cry from Auntie Jemima, but try it, you might like it… i say might b/c it can be an acquired taste. it took me a little to get used to it, but know i love it. oh, and also, it can be a little heavy… speaking of which…

The other night i went out to dinner with my new two chub bear friends, Takeshi and Hiroshi. For those reading that still have the anochronistic image of a bespecled, tiny japanese man with his hair combed over to the side toting a briefcase as the typical japanese person, i am hear to shed light on all the body types that can be found in this tiny country. initially coming here as a bear afficianado (http://gaylife.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.resourcesforbears.com%2Ffaq%2F) - that s for those not in the know -, i was kinda stumped as to what i d find on this side of the pacific. while in kochi, i managed to booty call it with a quasi bear named kon-chan, but.. still not bearific as i had known back in NYC. Now that i m in Osaka, and the pickins arent that slim (apparently), i m trying to find out if there if i can get a WOOF WOOF. after meeting T+H, i think that i might have.

Takeshi and Hiroshi and I had Okonomiyaki the other night in osaka. they are two of the sweetest guys that i ve met thus far since my move to this city. fater .. i mean after (typo) being introduced to them via email by my friend in NY, Shigeto, the three of us emailed on out cell phones until we finally met in person to cook some heavy okonomiyaki.. followed by my favorite chocolate croissants in japan at St.Mark’s cafe (wink wink to ‘da lowa’)… we spoke about gay life in japan vs. the states, how to flirt in japanese subway stations (they didnt know what the word ‘flirt’ meant , by the way. they didnt know how to translate it into japanese for that matter - even after we looked it up in my digital dictionary), our common fetish for fat, along with other sordid topics of discussion…good times…

after croissants, we parted and went our separate ways. the two of them squeeze into a crampt one room apt in western osaka and i squeeze into my relatively spacious one room in north osaka (how they do it i dont know).. . before we went out separte ways, we did snap pics.. zehi mite ne! jya, mata mata…